Psychologist say there are good and bad ways to argue

TAMPA, Fla. (FOX 13) - Whether its marriage or living together, relationship harmony is bound to hit a few rough patches.

Psychologist Ashley Vigil-Otero says conflicts are common in relationships because humans are tricky.

"It can be something that could be positive if we don't engage in toxic behaviors when we are fighting," she says.

One of those toxic behaviors is criticism. Instead, Vigil-Otero says to clearly state a complaint.

Another toxic behavior is defensiveness, which can often be a response to a complaint.

"Sometimes it’s about acknowledging your mistakes and apologizing. Other times you don't feel that’s necessary, but you can still acknowledge the other person's perspective, or at least understand where they are coming from," says Vigil-Otero.

So-called stonewalling, or shutting down, during an argument is also a toxic behavior she says to avoid.

"Notice when you are getting worked up and then make an intentional effort to self-soothe, so tell your partner that you need a break," she suggests.

Contempt is the most toxic of all behaviors. Simply put, it's being mean.

"What we want to do instead is create a culture in the house that's more appreciative and respectful," Vigil-Otero says.

It's important to remember that nobody is perfect and life has its little irritations. Working on them together can help strengthen a relationship.