How to manage food boundaries with family during the holidays, according to experts

TAMPA, Fla. - Food around the holidays can be a touchy subject.

The backstory:

Some feel pressured to keep on a perfect diet when there are a lot of indulgent foods around, some feel tempted to indulge in too much food, while others may feel guilty about how much they ate in one day.

Experts say it is important to step back and remember you can have a happy holiday if you approach eating with a clear head.

What they're saying:

Dr. Elizabeth Bendick is a clinical psychologist with EB Therapy Services.

"With food, I feel like it takes on the same kind of sentiment where it's like we've created this mentality of bad foods, good foods," Dr. Bendick said. "And here we are using all of this emotional energy evaluating this and that."

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It can be tough to make the "right choice" when it comes to food around the holidays.

Dr. Bendick wants you to try and remove some of that stress from your Christmas plate.

Instead, give yourself permission to enjoy every part, including food that you might think is junk.

Laura Mercado is a registered dietician at Advent Health.

"Enjoy the treats," Mercado said. "But all year round, I kind of encourage people that everything in moderation is okay."

"Don't deprive yourself of something that's going to offer you fulfillment, and you're going to enjoy," Bendick said. "Don't rob yourself of that experience. But just check in what moderation might mean for you and somebody else is very different." 

Mercado said this season comes once a year, and it should be enjoyed, but there are ways to keep your plate focused on health while allowing a few treats.

"Make half of the plate vegetables, and then whatever space is left over, we can put a little bit of, you know, carbohydrates there, maybe some mashed potatoes or enjoy some bread, and then some type of lean protein," Mercado said.

Both experts said there are no "good" or "bad" foods.

"The fact that we like dichotomize good and bad with emotions, with food, anything otherwise, I feel like sets us up to kind of enter this critical space of what we can and can't have," Bendick said.

"Letting ourselves enjoy a little bit of our favorite foods, you know, and keeping the portion small," Mercado said. "If we know that it's a high-calorie or high-fat item, you know, enjoying it, but keeping the portion small but not beating ourself up because we can always make a better choice at the next meal as well."

Instead, there are foods that are just less nutritionally dense.

"There's no bad food. There's only better food, right? So, at every meal I'm just trying to do my best at that mealtime," Mercado said. "You know, so I'm going to try to choose a leaner meat. I'm going to make most of my grains whole grains."

Mercado reminds everyone — if one day you overindulge in the sweets and treats, that doesn't mean all healthy eating goes out the window.

"It's never too late to get back on track," Mercado said. "So we can definitely have a better afternoon."

Setting boundaries:

There can also be pressure around what and how much to eat and how much from friends and family.

For this, you have to be prepared.

"Going in ahead of time and knowing what your personal expectation for yourself and your relationship with food is," Bendick said.

You also have to be ready to set boundaries about what you're eating and how much.

"You could politely either pivot the discussion, decline to respond, remove yourself from the situation if necessary," Bendick said.

Protecting your children:

Bendick said when it comes to children and difficult conversations about food, it's good to talk to your kids and other adults before you head into a holiday gathering.

"Feel confident to protect yourself or protect your kids that like, you're not being mean. You're not rude," Bendick said. "You're communicating a need, communicating a position, and while that's uncomfortable, it might be healthier in the long run."

Mercado also encourages eating slowly and without distractions to focus on the food and your hunger cues.

This includes putting down the phone, turning off the TV and listening to your body while you are eating.